Hey Japan, do you know what these things are?

Japan is probably the most technologically advanced country in the world, with all its vending machines, robotic pets, erotic massage chairs and what not. But there are still quite a few technologies that for some strange reason the Japanese haven't quite figured out yet. Here are a few of my favorites:

Smoke Detectors
The Japanese idea of fire safety is for a guy in a truck to drive around town and yell over a loud speaker that people should be mindful of fire. Let me be the first to tell you that there exists a much more effective and less annoying solution, the smoke detector. Smoke detectors are one of those amazing inventions that, because of mass production, cost practically nothing and save thousands of lives each year. In fact, it is recommended that every home have one smoke detector per floor, and in most places the're even required by law. You can learn more about them here. Perhaps once you've mastered smoke detectors then you might want to learn about another amazing new invention called the "Carbon Monoxide Detector". These are especially important to have if you use any kind of gas burning device in your home.

Central Heating
The lack of this feature in Japanese homes and most buildings is one of the toughest things for us gaijin to understand. This is especially confusing to those of us living in Aomori where heat is something that really comes in handy come winter. Some nice things about central heating: Your house is always warm inside and your pipes never freeze. No need to carry large plastic jugs of kerosene up many flights of stairs. No need to open windows to release toxic gases given off by said kerosene. No need for carbon monoxide detectors to prevent asphyxiation (not that you can buy them anyway).

Bricks and Insulation
While we're on the subject of heat, a good way to retain heat within your home is to build thick, sturdy walls. Back in the west we use a hard rock-like block called a "brick" and thick soft foam material called "insulation" in our walls. These two things combined with central heating makes for a very cozy living space in winter. You can even use bricks to make a "fireplace" in your home where you can burn wood for even more heat.

Ovens
If you want to bake a cake or cook something that's too large to put in a toaster, you can use a machine called an oven. Don't confuse these with microwave ovens because those are really just fancy toasters. While we're on the subject, microwaves really should have more temperature settings than just "rice" and "shrimp".

Tables, chairs and beds
Did you know that there is no need to sit on the ground anymore? Yes with chairs you can sit high above the dirty cold ground, in a comfortable upright position. You might be wondering, but how am I going to reach my food? Well that's what tables are for. They are like kotatsus, but with legs so they are also high above the ground and don't waste electricity. You can also sleep in things called "beds" which use another technology called "the mattress" to make for a warm and comfortable place to rest at night. I know some of you are aware of these technologies already as I've seen them on occasion in Japan. For some reason though Japanese beds lack the "box spring" component and thus still retain much of the same feel of a back breaking futon. I think it will still be a while until you're all ready to learn about "the waterbed".

Medicine
There are lots of drugs you can take that make your cough, cold, headache or whatever go away. If you go to a store and buy them, then you don't need to go visit the doctor every single time you feel a little under the weather. By the way, those little paper masks you guys are wearing do jack shit! Don't bother. There even is a fancy new chemical called "floride" that keeps your teeth nice and clean and something called "deodorant" that keeps your body from smelling nasty. Oh, and there is a new alternative form of birth control to abortion... it's called "The Pill". There's even a new kind called "The Patch" that works just like those nicotine patches. You have the nicotine patch in Japan right?

Street Names
There a quite a number of things that you can improve to do with driving in Japan. Probably the number one thing would be to give names to streets. With street names and building numbers you can give people simple directions to find places. Just a word of advice before you start, when you give a street a name you can't give any other streets the same name. If anyone reading this knows someone who is responsible for numbering highways, please pass this simple bit of advice on to him or her (presumably him). Other road technologies you should really look into are "sidewalks", "snow plows" and "road salt". It would also be nice if gas stations stayed open later than 8 PM.

24 hour bank machines
Because they are machines, you don't have to pay them an hourly wage. Therefore it makes no difference if you leave them on 24 hours a day. This is convenient because it means you don't always have to carry huge wads of cash around with you after 9 PM. There are also fancy new technologies called "credit cards" and "debit cards" that you might want to look into.

So Japan, I hope you were enlighted by this report on future technologies that are available to you today! Sadly though I bet 99% of people in Japan can't read English well enough to make any sense of it. Well perhaps at the very least it served to entertain those JET's like myself currently suffering from the winter blues and agonizing over whether or not to sign their re-contracting form. I realize that there are perfectly good reasons why a lot of the more frustrating aspects of life in Japan are the way that they are (mostly to do with how cramped living spaces are). I think I've gotten accustomed to most of them... but seriously, does anyone know why there aren't any smoke detectors in Japanese homes? That one really doesn't make any sense to me at all.